One Month

At this point in my Exchange, it could be argued that I'm not yet to my exchange. I'm still in my home country, I'm still speaking my native language, I'm still sleeping on my own bed, I'm still waking up to the same sounds I've been hearing for the past eighteen years. But at this point on my Exchange, the fact that I'm not going to be in my home country, speaking my native language, etc. dawns on me quite often. I'll be sitting on the couch, in the car, on my bed, thinking about nothing in particular when I realize, "I have a month here. In a month, I'll be in Germany, trying to speak German." And then when I realize that, my stomach sort of drops, kind of like that feeling right when you start going over the hill on a roller coaster. For a split second, I'm filled with...terror. There's no other word for it.

The fact that I'm going on exchange is never out of my mind. Not for a minute. Everything I do, I do with the knowledge that depending on what it is I'm doing, it might be the last time I do it in America. Every day when I wake up, and before I go to sleep, I see the large, blue suitcase that is sitting on the (admittedly messy) floor of my room. Right now it has a roll of paper towels on it and the notebook with any and all lists I will need in preparation for my departure. And next to my pillow is the casette player (that is so old it squeals) that I use to listen to my Pimsleur tapes and the notebook I've been journaling in. And on the hearth in the dining room is the even larger blue suitcase I'm going to pack the large blue suitcase in my room in, and the box with pins and other goodies to hand out on my exchange. And fom the wire rack that holds all of the stuffed animals from my youth hangs my blazer, with its measly collection of pins. So not only is my exchange living in my mind, it's pretty much taken over my house, too.

If Rotary Youth Exchange were a roller coaster, I'd be halfway up the first hill, if even. I'm staring at what's going to happen next, and I don't know how it's going to end. In a month, possibly less, I'll actually be at the top of that hill. I'll be in an airplane staring off into the unknown, just hoping I don't puke. It's a good thing I've always loved a good roller coaster. I think this is my favorite one yet, though. It takes me to Deutschland.

Post Which Will Not Be Named....(oooooo....ominous)

Tomorrow I have a Rotary meeting. I'm pretty psyched. I love my Rotary club. :) I spoke to my YEO the other day via email and he asked me if I would give a short presentation. I had expected this, and was thinking I would just stand up and say that I'm going to Berlin, talk about my family a little, the usual. And then, after speaking to him, I decided, "What the heck. I'll make a powerpoint." So I sat down and spent about twenty minutes making the cover slide - finding a couple good photos and editing them on picnik, deciding what to call it, etc. I think it must have taken me about...oh, an hour and a half from start to finish? It was so much fun, though. I got to go through and pick all of my favorite information - I pretty much copied this awesomeness into a powerpoint presentation, got a photo of Kant-Gymnasium, the Weigands; I even put on my blazer and took a photo of that for the end. I got really into it. I have a tendency to get really excited about and involved in things for Rotary. Towards the end of the year, Rotary projects and the rare chem assignment were the only things I actually focused on, other than stalking 1940, and at the very end, Kladow.

This is a sort of...unfocused post, eh? I suppose the point is: I really want my plane ticket. I really want to know when I'm actually leaving, and what my itinerary is going to be...I need to study my airports and figure out how I'm going to get where in time. I want to see if anyone else is going to be in the same airports as me at the same time. I want to know my airline's requirements/limitations on luggage so I can do some trial runs to make sure I'll be good. There's so much to do regarding the trip there...I'm not even thinking about things I need to take care of for when I get there. And there's no shortage of that, either - gifts for host families; flags for club, family, school; make sure I know what I need to know for the Alien Resident Permit; learning German (<-- a biggie); and a load of things I can't think of right now.

In the meantime, I will sit in my room and listen to German music. Silbermond, Luxuslärm, Peter Fox...:) Facebook is wonderful, because if it weren't for Facebook, I wouldn't already know a bunch of the people going to my district, and if it weren't for that, I would never have found Silbermond or Luxuslärm, and wouldn't know about the possibility of going to concerts. Facebook rocks. Rotary rocks. Berlin rocks. Lots of things rock my socks off. Proof? I'm not wearing socks right now. ^_^

Following the Paper Trail...

Sent off all of the paperwork to the travel agency this morning. All that's left is the airline ticket. :) 

I am faced with a maximum of 38 days left in these great United States of America, but I'm finding that fact to be very..tedious. Thirty-eight days seems to be thirty-seven and one half days too many. I remember that I was already counting down the days when I was at eighty-odd days. That was an unbelievably long time ago...that was when I was still wondering whether I would be in Mainz or Idar-Oberstein. It blows my mind that I'll be in Berlin. I can say that Ich bin Berliner...and be telling the world that not only am I a jelly doughnut, I am one who lives in Berlin. Or, will in a matter of days. Mind. Blown. And I know that's the thing that will continually come up, even when I'm actually in Deutschland, but I still can't believe that I'm going to Berlin, and I'm absolutely sure that I still won't be able to believe it when I'm there. 

My life changed in the most fantastic and amazing way possible when I filled out that simple piece of paper that asked me what my hobbies are and why I wanted to do an exchange. There's no going back - I'm an exchange student now. Even though my exchange hasn't started in the I'm-in-another-country way, the way I think, the way I act, the way I see things has changed. I've thought about how I'm going to introduce myself, coming up with multiple ways of using my extremely limited German without looking up anything. I've started limiting myself on what I can wear, to accustom myself to the smaller wardrobe I'll be taking with me. I've already started saying my goodbyes - to my school, my teachers, the little things that always make me feel better at home that I won't be able to take with me. In roughly thirty days, I'll start packing a year of my life into one suitcase and a backpack, knowing that what I'll get from the effort (trust me, choosing a suitcase and backpack's worth of stuff will definitely be an effort. We're talking a year here, in one suitcase and a backpack. I'm a teenage girl, remember.) will be impossible to pack, and something that I will never forget and cherish my entire life. Any pain that comes from this experience will be so outweighed by all of the wonderful things that I'll get from it that in the end, I doubt I'll even remember the hardships I faced.

Oh, I know it's going to be hard. Every RYES knows it, but the thing that makes us RYES is the fact that we're crazy enough to forget about that for long enough to get on the plane. Or at least strong enough to get on the plane in spite of what we're afraid of. I never knew how strong I was until I realized that I'm really doing this. I'll never forget that it was a Rotary Youth Exchange that made me realize who I am, before I even got on the plane.

Well Then, That's the End of That

I am officially no longer a high schooler. Well, an American high schooler. Tonight I graduated. Finally. It's only been fourteen years. It turned out that graduation itself wasn't as atrocious as I thought it was going to be. I did not: fall asleep, cry, die of boredom, or do anything utterly idiotic. I laughed, though. Some interesting memories were brought back from the depths of my mind.

But the real reason for this post is something I realized today. When I'm thinking about next year, I'm very excited. I'm thrilled about all of the possibilities, all of the things that I'll experience..but I don't really know what I will experience. So when I think about my exchange, I'm forced to think about the things I know I'll miss - my family, my bed, my pillow, the sounds and sights of home. So if it seems like I'm very mopey and focusing on the negative, it's because the negatives - well, the negative losses are the only things I actually know about. They're the only things I'm really, truly aware of at this point. No macaroni and cheese after a bad day, no sitting down and texting one of my best friends, no going home and crashing in front of the TV, no rummaging in the kitchen and throwing together some weird crazy mess for dinner.

When I think about all of the positives, there's no way I can know that they will come to be. I cannot be sure that I'm going to get along with people, no matter how hard I try; that I'm going to learn German as easily as I'm hoping; that it's going to be anything like I think and hope it will be. I have no doubt that this is going to be an amazing experience, and that I'll have a great time. I have no doubt that I'll learn a massive amount of things, that I'l make connections that will last me a lifetime. I have no doubt that I am going to try my hardest to be a wonderful ambassador and leave lasting impressions, lasting good impressions.

But at the same time, I do have doubts of how well, how quickly these are going to happen. How fully these predictions are going to come to be. None of what lives in my mind about this exchange is based on fact - I have no fact or experience to base it on. But in less than 45 days, I will.

Just to Keep You on Your Toes.....

Things keep turning out to be not what I thought they would be. lol.

I got my guarantee forms yesterday (just as awesome as I thought the feeling would be), but it turns out my club is not Alexanderplatz. It's Zitadell. It's all very exciting, but Zitadell is not in downtown Berlin. :( I do love the name, though. Zitadell. It's funny, I've always loved the word "citadel" and it turns out I love the word in German, too. :)

It's...actually sinking in. I made a list of the clothes I'm going to take with me. It's probably going to change, but....I actually sat down and made a list of clothes that I'm going to end up putting in a suitcase that will go with me to an airport, get put on a plane (hopefully the same plane I'll get on..lol) and fly ACROSS THE ATLANTIC OCEAN to DEUTSCHLAND and stay there FOR A YEAR. In BERLIN. Oh gosh. This is..insanity. I love insanity. :)

Ich liebe meine guarantee forms, ich liebe Deutschland, ich liebe Berlin, ich liebe Rotary....es ist gut. Sehr gut.

lalalala OH LOOK!!

Got an email today. My district YEO Chair got my guarantee forms. :) And is going to send them off tomorrow. I have my guarantee forms. This is really honestly truly happening. Wowza. It's...yeah. Still not sinking in. I cannot, cannot wait to hold those guarantee forms again. I'll be holding something that my host family held, that my school administrators held, that my club President has held....that has been in Germany. Where I'll be in less than 60 days. This is insanity.

In other news, my ipod is dying. This:

has turned into this:

And made me this: 

So. I need to get a new ipod before I leave for Germany, in a maximum of 51 days. Yep.

Happy news: no more homework!!! Because school is over. And graduation is on Friday. 

In any case, this morning's email has made me quite happy. I had an excellent weekend with my family, ate loads of delicious food and am generally...very happy. It's going to be a great year, and..it's already begun. It's going to be wonderful. Deutschland, hier komme ich. 

Just a Little Fish in a Really Big Sea....

So, I was inspired by a friend today. Upon finding out I was going to Berlin, she commented that I would "just be a little fish in a really big sea." I seized the turn of phrase and have decided to compare my American home to my German home, just by statistics. So here goes nothing....or something.

Home Base (AKA U.S.A.)

Sherman

• 1,553 people in the town, village included
• 36.4 square miles, 94.2 square kilometers
• First settled around 1823, formed in 1924 from a part of Mina township
• Part of Chautauqua County
• About 30 minutes from a McDonalds
• Less than 600 kids, kindergarten to grade 12, all in one building
• Average Low: 14ºF, -10ºC; Average High: 80ºF, 26ºC
• Only child, two dogs

Chautauqua County

• 134,905 people
• 1,500 square miles, 3,885 square kilometers
• 29% water
• Formed 1811

Deutschland 

Kladow

• 13,628 people
• 5.7 square miles, 14.8 square kilometers
• First mentioned in 1267
• Part of Spandau 
• A little brother, two little sisters, a dog and a cat

Spandau

• 223, 962 people
• 35.48 square miles, 91.91 square kilometers
• Wikipedia won't tell me how old it is...
• Kant-Gymnasium Spandau: about 900 kids, grades 5-12
• There's practically a McDonald's across the street from my school, which is about half an hour from Kladow
• One of the twelve boroughs of Berlin

Berlin

•  3,450,889 people
• 344.3 square miles, 891.85 square kilometers
• Around since the 13th Century
• Capital of Germany
• Average Low: 28.6ºF, -1.9ºC; Average High: 74.7ºF, 23.7ºC
• About 500 McDonalds' in Berlin

So.....in summary....Berlin is big. Really big. And I'm really excited about the weather. Especially since they barely get snow. And Sherman gets pounded. 

It's really sinking in now. I'm actually going to Germany for a year. It's pretty scary. Scary exciting, that is. Today was the last part of my high school career that actually matters. I mean, Baccalaureate and Graduation, but today was my physics regents (big scary state test that every high schooler in NY has to take for every Regents class they take), the last thing that was graded. So...I have two more events as an American high schooler. And then I have a year of events as a Rotary Exchange Student and German high schooler. Ich bin ein Austaschstudent.