Well Then, That's the End of That

I am officially no longer a high schooler. Well, an American high schooler. Tonight I graduated. Finally. It's only been fourteen years. It turned out that graduation itself wasn't as atrocious as I thought it was going to be. I did not: fall asleep, cry, die of boredom, or do anything utterly idiotic. I laughed, though. Some interesting memories were brought back from the depths of my mind.

But the real reason for this post is something I realized today. When I'm thinking about next year, I'm very excited. I'm thrilled about all of the possibilities, all of the things that I'll experience..but I don't really know what I will experience. So when I think about my exchange, I'm forced to think about the things I know I'll miss - my family, my bed, my pillow, the sounds and sights of home. So if it seems like I'm very mopey and focusing on the negative, it's because the negatives - well, the negative losses are the only things I actually know about. They're the only things I'm really, truly aware of at this point. No macaroni and cheese after a bad day, no sitting down and texting one of my best friends, no going home and crashing in front of the TV, no rummaging in the kitchen and throwing together some weird crazy mess for dinner.

When I think about all of the positives, there's no way I can know that they will come to be. I cannot be sure that I'm going to get along with people, no matter how hard I try; that I'm going to learn German as easily as I'm hoping; that it's going to be anything like I think and hope it will be. I have no doubt that this is going to be an amazing experience, and that I'll have a great time. I have no doubt that I'll learn a massive amount of things, that I'l make connections that will last me a lifetime. I have no doubt that I am going to try my hardest to be a wonderful ambassador and leave lasting impressions, lasting good impressions.

But at the same time, I do have doubts of how well, how quickly these are going to happen. How fully these predictions are going to come to be. None of what lives in my mind about this exchange is based on fact - I have no fact or experience to base it on. But in less than 45 days, I will.