One Month

At this point in my Exchange, it could be argued that I'm not yet to my exchange. I'm still in my home country, I'm still speaking my native language, I'm still sleeping on my own bed, I'm still waking up to the same sounds I've been hearing for the past eighteen years. But at this point on my Exchange, the fact that I'm not going to be in my home country, speaking my native language, etc. dawns on me quite often. I'll be sitting on the couch, in the car, on my bed, thinking about nothing in particular when I realize, "I have a month here. In a month, I'll be in Germany, trying to speak German." And then when I realize that, my stomach sort of drops, kind of like that feeling right when you start going over the hill on a roller coaster. For a split second, I'm filled with...terror. There's no other word for it.

The fact that I'm going on exchange is never out of my mind. Not for a minute. Everything I do, I do with the knowledge that depending on what it is I'm doing, it might be the last time I do it in America. Every day when I wake up, and before I go to sleep, I see the large, blue suitcase that is sitting on the (admittedly messy) floor of my room. Right now it has a roll of paper towels on it and the notebook with any and all lists I will need in preparation for my departure. And next to my pillow is the casette player (that is so old it squeals) that I use to listen to my Pimsleur tapes and the notebook I've been journaling in. And on the hearth in the dining room is the even larger blue suitcase I'm going to pack the large blue suitcase in my room in, and the box with pins and other goodies to hand out on my exchange. And fom the wire rack that holds all of the stuffed animals from my youth hangs my blazer, with its measly collection of pins. So not only is my exchange living in my mind, it's pretty much taken over my house, too.

If Rotary Youth Exchange were a roller coaster, I'd be halfway up the first hill, if even. I'm staring at what's going to happen next, and I don't know how it's going to end. In a month, possibly less, I'll actually be at the top of that hill. I'll be in an airplane staring off into the unknown, just hoping I don't puke. It's a good thing I've always loved a good roller coaster. I think this is my favorite one yet, though. It takes me to Deutschland.